Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Brutal Legend

In my continuing quest to bring you the latest news from three years ago, I am reviewing a game called Brutal Legend.  Brutal Legend is a Heavy Metal game where you play…

You know what?  I don’t need to describe the game.  Just look at this picture.
Get it?  No?
And this one.
Oh come on, do you get it now?  No?  Where did you go to school?!
Yeah, that’s pretty much all you need to know.

Brutal Legend is significant in a few ways.  First of all, I got it for free (thanks, Jon!).  Second, I hate music.

Perhaps I should explain that last statement.  I hate music.  Got it yet?  No?  All right, let me spell it out.  I don’t listen to music.  I don’t go to concerts.  I don’t want music on in the background when I’m working or talking to someone or even just hanging around.  I don’t want to sit and listen to music.  My favorite music show was Pop-Up Video because there was something to read while the music was playing.
Although, it didn't always help.
(Here’s a telling fact: I didn’t understand why the “bad” song at the beginning of Brutal Legend was “bad.”)

So, I didn’t think I’d like Brutal Legend and, at first, I really didn’t.  Sure, Tim Schafer wrote some funny dialogue, but the rest didn’t really do much for me.

Then my three year old started watching me play.  Then, one day, he sat down on the bed behind me and asked me to play one of the classic Heavy Metal songs in the game again.  I did as he asked, and it became a regular thing for us: me playing while queuing up songs for him.

Later, he started asking me to visit “the Pirate.”  It took me a while to figure out who that was.  The Pirate is Ozzy Osbourne.  See, when you want to buy things in the game, you have to visit these “motor forges” that look like big engines with skulls on them.  Underneath them is a character modeled after (and played by) Ozzy Osbourne who dresses in all black.
"Arrr!  Rock on, me harteys!"
My son, putting the black clothes and the skull together, just assumed he was a pirate.

Anyway, after a while I began to like the game.  Then, one day, I heard the bad song from the beginning of the game again.  And I hated it.  I had acquired a taste in music.

Have I become a headbanger?

So, I would like to give a big thumbs up on my review of Brutal Legend…  But I can’t.  A bird dies in it.

HA!  DBIM Surprise!

Title: Brutal Legend
Genre: Game
Severity: 1 (one death)
Date: 2009
Description: A bird flies by a giant set of speakers and explodes as they activate.
Mitigating Factors: None.
Aggravating Factors: None.

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