Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Epiphany


I had an epiphany a while ago in the middle of the night.  It was a new idea, something groundbreaking, but, at the same time, it was ancient; it was a truth that had been secretly passed down from generation to generation for thousands of years.

2+2=7

It explained a lot of problems.  Why did I do so poorly in math?  Why didn’t science have all the answers to all the questions in the universe?  Why did patients suddenly die in hospitals?  Why?

2+2=7

Things are either right or wrong.  There isn’t an “in between” when it comes to truth.  When we find out that something we believed for years was wrong, we throw it away and accept the new belief.  Well, here is the new truth, and it’s a doozy.

2+2=7

After I had my epiphany, I spoke to my friends and explained to them what I found.  Some of them laughed, but many of them saw what I saw, that I had found a new truth.

2+2=7

A few of us started meeting in secret and inviting our friends.  It changed us all.  There were doctors, who pledged that, from that point on, they would measure medication differently.  Elementary school teachers who promised to teach their young students the new way of thinking alongside the traditional.  Judges who told me they’d change the way they sentenced offenders.  Inspectors who said they’d calibrate life-saving equipment differently.  We all, secretly, pledged to use my new discovery from now on.

2+2=7

The group grew too large for us to fit in our home.  We had to break up into smaller groups and meet separately.  Then those groups grew too big and we split again and again.  There are now groups all over the world, in every walk of life, secretly following the new rule.

2+2=7

However, we’re tired of meeting in secret.  It’s time for us to come out and rally together and push back the traditional mathematicians who are ruining our world and blinding us from the truth.

2+2=7

Friend, I’ve come to you today to spread the good word of 2+2=7.  2+2=7 is the way to perfect every aspect of your life.  Perhaps you’ve bought into the lies, but it’s not too late.  You can still join us and live forever in happiness.  Set aside what you have been taught, join us in our group, and be set free.  We will create a new world, a world where there is no war, no death, no hatred.  We will create a world where everyone lives forever in harmony under the light of the almighty truth.

2+2=7

[Ed. Note: For fun, remove the line 2+2=7 and replace it with any other belief system: geocentricism, creationism, homeopathy, or whatever wacky idea strikes you.]

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