Thursday, July 14, 2011

Songs Guys Can’t Sing


I don’t like music.  Sure, it’s nice to have in the background of a movie to heighten the mood, but other than that I’d be happier with silence.  If music is playing while I’m trying to work, I can’t concentrate.  If I have nothing to do but listen to music, I get bored.  Worst of all, music gets stuck in my head very easily, driving me crazy for days until it finally goes away.

I accept that there are those of you who enjoy music and, strangely enough, singing out loud.  However, I would like to warn you against singing some songs in public.  Really, I just would like to warn the men.  For some reason, women can sing anything they want and not look like an idiot (with the exception of songs by Insane Clown Posse or Prussian Blue), whereas men have to be very selective.

Guys, don’t ever sing these songs out loud:

"Yes, we're sisters.  How can you tell?"
Sincerely by the McGuire Sisters
I took choir to fulfill a requirement in college (and because we were going on a tour to Disney World).  At one point the director split the boys and girls up and had us sing different songs.  The girls sang “Sincerely.”  I remember having serious reservations about the line:

“He doesn't want me,
But I'll never, never, never, never let him go.”

This line sounds disturbingly clingy coming from a woman.  Coming from a guy, it’s abusive and psychotic.

I can totally believe Taylor Swift was a loser in high school.
You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift
While this song isn’t particularly bad, there is one line you should worry about:

“Standing by and waiting at your back door.”

Let’s just say that could be taken a couple of different ways.

Just remember guys: lesbians=hot, gays=scary!

I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry
Yeah, just don’t even go there.

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