Monday, July 11, 2011

Search Terms

Every day or so, I check Google Analytics.  It’s not a very useful tool, but it tells you how many people visit your site (none).  It also tells you what terms they searched on to end up at your site.  I get some pretty odd search terms.  Here’s a sample:

tron letters
Dear Tron, 
How are you?  I am good today.  Can’t wait to see you again and absorb you into my being!
"Oooor not."

calendar that i can write on
Wait, you want a calendar that you can write on?  You’re mad!  MAD!

clever things to write on a calendar
How about: “9 am: go to work” or “5 pm: come home from work?”

funny event calendar
Oh, come on.  What’s with all the calendar stuff?

funny things to write in calandar
Okay, I’m running out of things to say.  Um…  There is an “e” in calendar.  Spelling isn’t just for the elite, you know.

funny things that you can draw on your fingers
Ah, good, another chance to make fun of Sarah Palin.
It says: "Make fun of people for saying I'm stupid."

what can write on bike
Well, anything you want, I suppose.  But I’d suggest using a Sharpie or it will just wash off.

june calendar 2011 that i can write on
Oh, come on.  Again with the calendars?!  And why do you want a calendar that only has June?  Is that another doomsday prediction?

i need a list of humorous new year's resolutions
Here’s one:
"I will stop looking on the internet for my life goals."

year calendar to write events in

what to write in front of my bike
How about: Help!  My Sharpie is stuck in the spokes and I can’t stop!!!

cast crutches
This is why people put the letters “W,” “T,”  and “F” together.

childrens books on diving
I didn’t write about diving.  I wrote about skydiving.  I have a book for children skydiving.  It’s just the word “DON’T” over and over again for one hundred pages.

did spartans boys have sex
Yes, they were forced to.  Kinda makes you wonder about all the high school teams named “The Spartans,” doesn’t it?
They spend a whole lot of time warming up in the locker room.

difference between nordic and norse
One ate smoked salmon and the other ate lox.

freecycle supetvillian
What’s a Supet Villian?  Is that like a Zhu Zhu Pet?
"I want to play WITH YOUR SOUL!"

how to have your kids write a vacation report
I’d suggest threats and intimidation.

how to write about a nice vacation?
If you can’t think of anything to say about a vacation then you didn’t enjoy it.  Next time, don’t go antiquing with your parents-in-law.  Do anything else.  Anything.

icanwritefunny skydiving fuck
I got nothing here.  That’s a pretty accurate description of my blog.

inappropriate funny kids
Yeah, we get a lot of butt and fart jokes at my house, too.  I blame the jokes on my wife and the farting on the cats.

I take it back, this is why we have “WTF?”

larry ellison technical writing
Yeah, I’d love to see him do some technical writing, too. 

How to activate Java Beans: 
Step One: Are you a young and sexy woman? 

Step Two: Are you single? 

Step Three: Would you like to meet the richest man in California?
Step Four: Come over to my yacht.

latest glen beck funnies
That’s pretty much anything he says.

most plausible x-men
None of them.  It’s a comic book.  If I had to choose, I’d go with Professor X, because his powers can easily be explained by saying everyone around him was on drugs.
"I sense you will share your doobie."

politician caught sending pictures of penis
I don’t have any pictures of Weiner’s wiener.  Sorry.  I can send you a few of mine, if that helps!

safeway cakes reviews
Those are pretty easy reviews to write, I bet: “Yuck!”

safeway baby shoes cake
Safeway put shoes in your cake?  Eh, doesn’t surprise me.

skydiving and urinating
Yeah, try not to do that.

what to say after skydiving
How about: “Sorry I urinated on you.”

what to write to a sick child
“Don’t cough on me, whelp!”

write about tiger + kids
I think that’s a pretty short story: 
“Once upon a time, there was a tiger.  He had a sad life, because he was caught in a zoo cage.  One day, a child fell into his cage around feeding time.  The two of them played happily together until the child was all gone.  Then a zookeeper shot the tiger.  The end.”
Shoot, someone else did that joke.


lenore said...

sorry but this is a really funny post!

M. A. Kagle said...

You SHOULD be sorry.