Every day or so, I check Google Analytics. It’s not a very useful tool, but it tells you how many people visit your site (none). It also tells you what terms they searched on to end up at your site. I get some pretty odd search terms. Here’s a sample:
tron lettersDear Tron,
How are you? I am good today. Can’t wait to see you again and absorb you into my being!
calendar that i can write onWait, you want a calendar that you can write on? You’re mad! MAD!
clever things to write on a calendarHow about: “9 am: go to work” or “5 pm: come home from work?”
funny event calendarOh, come on. What’s with all the calendar stuff?
funny things to write in calandarOkay, I’m running out of things to say. Um… There is an “e” in calendar. Spelling isn’t just for the elite, you know.
funny things that you can draw on your fingersAh, good, another chance to make fun of Sarah Palin.
|It says: "Make fun of people for saying I'm stupid."|
what can write on bikeWell, anything you want, I suppose. But I’d suggest using a Sharpie or it will just wash off.
june calendar 2011 that i can write onOh, come on. Again with the calendars?! And why do you want a calendar that only has June? Is that another doomsday prediction?
i need a list of humorous new year's resolutionsHere’s one:
"I will stop looking on the internet for my life goals."
year calendar to write events inAIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!
what to write in front of my bikeHow about: Help! My Sharpie is stuck in the spokes and I can’t stop!!!
cast crutches site:blogspot.comThis is why people put the letters “W,” “T,” and “F” together.
childrens books on divingI didn’t write about diving. I wrote about skydiving. I have a book for children skydiving. It’s just the word “DON’T” over and over again for one hundred pages.
did spartans boys have sexYes, they were forced to. Kinda makes you wonder about all the high school teams named “The Spartans,” doesn’t it?
|They spend a whole lot of time warming up in the locker room.|
difference between nordic and norseOne ate smoked salmon and the other ate lox.
freecycle supetvillianWhat’s a Supet Villian? Is that like a Zhu Zhu Pet?
|"I want to play WITH YOUR SOUL!"|
how to have your kids write a vacation reportI’d suggest threats and intimidation.
how to write about a nice vacation?If you can’t think of anything to say about a vacation then you didn’t enjoy it. Next time, don’t go antiquing with your parents-in-law. Do anything else. Anything.
icanwritefunny skydiving fuckI got nothing here. That’s a pretty accurate description of my blog.
inappropriate funny kidsYeah, we get a lot of butt and fart jokes at my house, too. I blame the jokes on my wife and the farting on the cats.
kumutuI take it back, this is why we have “WTF?”
larry ellison technical writingYeah, I’d love to see him do some technical writing, too.
How to activate Java Beans:Step One: Are you a young and sexy woman?
Step Two: Are you single?
Step Three: Would you like to meet the richest man in California?
|Step Four: Come over to my yacht.|
latest glen beck funniesThat’s pretty much anything he says.
most plausible x-menNone of them. It’s a comic book. If I had to choose, I’d go with Professor X, because his powers can easily be explained by saying everyone around him was on drugs.
|"I sense you will share your doobie."|
politician caught sending pictures of penisI don’t have any pictures of Weiner’s wiener. Sorry. I can send you a few of mine, if that helps!
safeway cakes reviewsThose are pretty easy reviews to write, I bet: “Yuck!”
safeway baby shoes cakeSafeway put shoes in your cake? Eh, doesn’t surprise me.
skydiving and urinatingYeah, try not to do that.
what to say after skydivingHow about: “Sorry I urinated on you.”
what to write to a sick child“Don’t cough on me, whelp!”
write about tiger + kidsI think that’s a pretty short story:
“Once upon a time, there was a tiger. He had a sad life, because he was caught in a zoo cage. One day, a child fell into his cage around feeding time. The two of them played happily together until the child was all gone. Then a zookeeper shot the tiger. The end.”
|Shoot, someone else did that joke.|