Friday, June 10, 2011

Skydiving Pt 7

It’s finally happened.  I’ve run out of things to say about skydiving.  I was going to write a humorous poem, but I just couldn’t make it work.
I’m heading towards the ground.
I never knew I’d feel so free.
I wish I’d packed clean underwear.
I’ve really got to pee.

Then I was going to do a Rocky and Bullwinkle joke…

But, really, what more is there to say?
It's a festive rocket.
Then there was the joke about streamer recovery.  That one’s a bit esoteric.  You see, model rockets have two main methods to make sure they land safely.  The first one is a parachute, which pops out when it stops going up.  The second kind is called streamer recovery.  When the rocket stops going up, a very long strip of thin plastic unfurls and creates enough drag to stop the rocket from breaking on impact.
I was going to joke about how my pack had streamers instead of a parachute.  Then I realized only my brother would get the joke.
"Er, is it supposed to look like that?"
I was going to just list the things I had to know before my jump.  There’s quite a lot.  Here’s a sample:
  1. Back out of airplane.
  2. Hang on.
  3. Arch back.
  4. Kick out foot.
  5. Check in with both instructors.
  6. Lift up, squat down.
  7. Turn to face engine and get blown off airplane.
  8. Count to four.
  9. Check your altimeter and heading.
  10. Check in with both instructors.
  11. Check your altimeter and heading.
  12. Practice touching parachute release.
  13. Check your altimeter and heading.
Aaaand so on.  Hello?  Are you still awake?
Zeus says STOP TRYING.
I was going to cover all the mishaps that have kept me from jumping.  However, besides the weather, there’s just been one cold and the strange increase in the number of times I’ve cut myself in the last week.
"No, I can still pull my chute with my teeth."
Anyway, going to jump tomorrow at 10am.  Please don’t pray for me as the gods have been screwing with me lately.  If you must pray, do it in a couple of days when I get my hair cut.

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