Monday, June 27, 2011

Skydiving Pt 9

My report from Saturday morning:
As I sit here at the Byron, California airport, the wind blowing past me, I think about how I can make it through this blog post without resorting to swear words again.  Not that I’m against swearing; I just think I pretty much did that to death with my last Skydiving Report.

Yesterday, I went to the going away party of an avid skydiver who suggested I come to this place and jumped in her pool with my cell phone in my pocket.  While my old, dripping phone sat in a bath of dry rice, I ran out to the Verizon store to get a new phone.  The young woman who helped me (after I got passed off by a man who seemed unhappy about my going with one of the cheaper phone options) begged me to get an accessory kit.  I didn’t want one, but she kept pushing it, insisting I could return it the next day.  Eventually, she admitted that, if she didn’t get her sales figures up, she was going to be forced to go to a training workshop in the early morning.  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for damsels in distress.  Well, she also came down in price from $120 to $20.
I ended up with, shall I say, a few things I didn't need.
Today, after sneaking off to Krispy Kreme with my son, I called in to see if there was any chance I could jump.  Clay, the owner, said it was “dead calm” at his house “ten miles away.”  He suggested I call the computerized Byron Airport weather report number (925-634-0906).  When I called, it said winds were blowing at 210 miles per hour.  (Note: It was only later did someone explain that the three digit number was heading, not wind speed.)  Not knowing what that meant, I decided to come in anyway.  After all, hot weather makes the wind go down, right?  Right?  In any case, I can’t stay all day.  My wife has a hair cut at 2pm and someone has to watch the kids so they don’t grab spare tools and cut their own hair.

It would have been a good day to jump.  The news about New York legalizing gay marriage has me stoked.  It’s a month and a half since I took the class.  The kids aren’t here, so I can afford to wait a while until the winds calm.  And tomorrow I have family over, making it harder to come out.  I guess I want to believe it really is going to happen after all this waiting.  I really need this to happen soon or I’m going to just give up.
Oh, come on.  I would have gone in that!
After a while of waiting, watching tandem jumpers come down and the Fry’s precision jet corps do formation flying, I had to come back.  The winds never calmed that whole day, it turned out.  When I asked why they’d put a skydiving place next to an airport with such high winds, they said they couldn’t do jumps at a place with too much air traffic.  It kind of suggests another question: why would anyone build an airport where nobody wanted to go?  The next day I spent time with friends at breakfast, saw the wife’s family at lunch, and then drove up again. 
See, this is as skimpy as the outfits get.
I’ll cover what happened tomorrow, but there is one think I would like to talk about in this post: snow bunnies.  If you aren’t familiar with the term, it means women who like skiing.  (Actually, it seems I wasn’t familiar with the term either, as there is a second definition that I found a bit disturbing.)  There are men and women who go out of their way to watch/pursue snow bunnies and I’d like to make a suggestion: go after skydiving bunnies instead.
And this is about as clothed as a skydiver gets.
On Sunday, the second day I was waiting to be scheduled to drop, it was very hot and the power had gone out.  Skydiving suits are very warm, so people took them off.  All around me were young women (and men, if you’re into that) stripping off their jump suits in full view of everyone.  Most of them were only wearing underwear.  Some of them even jumped in their underwear.  Call me a pig, but the male brain is hardwired to stare at young women in undies.  It was hard not to stare so, I stared a lot.
"Can you help unzip me?  I'm SO HOT."
My advice to single young men and women: forget about snow bunnies who bundle up in thick outfits and hang out at ski lodges.  Go to the airports where they take their clothes off at the slightest provocation and aren't afraid of anything.

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