If you’ve ever been camping, you know how painfully boring it is. Once you’ve figured out how to start and maintain the fire, there really isn’t anything to do. Well, you can go to sleep and listen to mice rub their hantavirus-covered butts over your toothbrushes. But, really, not much else.
(Seriously, sing songs and tell spooky stories? You can do that ANYWHERE. It’s like people who sunbathe by the water, but never swim.)
I wasn’t too thrilled with eating a hot dog after it had been riddled with charred wood and dead bugs from the decayed twig we used as a skewer. Boredom was overtaking me and I was thinking of going to bed three hours early (as were my kids), when I remembered the MREs.
MRE stands for Meals Ready to Eat and is what the US gives soldiers in combat or when they can’t get to a McDonalds. They’re designed to withstand being dropped out of an airplane, set on fire, or shot with a Howitzer. MREs can last for years; one soldier said the worst part about eating one was looking at the label and seeing that it had been made in World War II.
I bought myself a twelve pack of MREs back in 2006 during the bird flu epidemic. I stocked up on canned goods, dried food, and water. I found a supplier of military-spec MREs (meaning, besides the Tabasco sauce, they were almost identical to the stuff the soldiers ate) and ordered a box. Then I bought a bottle of Tabasco and watched the world end outside my steel fortress of a home.
|And now I wait for society to rebuild.|
OR DID I?
|That thing is really hard to take down from the top shelf.|
The MRE comes in a durable plastic bag. It’s easy to see why they last forever. The bags are stronger than I am.
|Also not easy to open a bag with one hand while taking a picture.|
|Now, throw out your computer and buy a real one.|
|For soldiers, this is just like the Twilight novels.|
|Oh, how thoughtful.|
|No, wait, now how do I cut this thing out?|
|Two hours and sixteen cut fingers later...|
|Or, maybe it's Ranger poo...|
|I guess it's hard to screw up applesauce. Unless, of course, you make the mistake of using PEARS!|
|Even less appetizing than it looks.|
|Looks simple enough.|
The utensil pack comes with non-dairy creamer (which your wife will use as a bookmark without telling you), two packets of sugar, salt and pepper. If you mix all those together in with the instant coffee, it ends up looking like this.
|Foamy means its good for you!|
|Now you know why I didn't enlist.|
As a final note, I just did some reading and found my MREs may have expired some years ago. See the things I do to keep the both of my readers informed?