Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Eat the Baby Boomers

I was going to write an article about how much the baby boom generation sucks, should be killed off before they cause any more harm, and their bodies turned into Soylent Green.  I’m not one for non-confrontational statements.
"Soylent Green is made out of whiny, self-indulgent jackasses!"
I hadn’t done the research yet, and was working from a few things I remembered reading about them:
  • They are the first American generation to have left the country in worse financial shape than when they got it.
  • They have defined every decade they existed in, from the drug craze of the sixties to the creepy styles of the seventies to the selfish capitalism of the eighties.
  • They are going to destroy Social Security.
  • They like the show 30 Something (although I never watched it, I hear it’s whiny and self-indulgent).
So, I set out to do some research and the first website I found was this one.  The crimes baby boomers are accused of include:
  • Losing the Vietnam War.  (Was that winnable?)
  • Granting abortion rights.
  • Political correctness (They created the term “African American?” Horrors!)
  • Environmentalism
  • Allowing women into the workplace
  • Gay rights
Then I thought, well, heck, that ain’t so bad, is it?  I did some more research.  And by research, I really meant looking at Wikipedia.  There, under Baby Boomers, I found the following note:
One of the contributions made by the Boomer generation appears to be the expansion of individual freedom. Boomers often are associated with the civil rights movement, the feminist cause in the 1970s, gay rights, handicapped rights, and the right to privacy.
And I changed my mind.  Okay, sure, they weren’t the most economically savvy; they elected Mr. Voodoo Economics, for crying out loud.  However, they did a lot of remarkable things.
I don't have a funny quote here.  It's just Reagan being an idiot.  Again.
So, let’s change the title of this piece.  Let’s call it Grok the Baby Boomers.  If you aren’t familiar with the word Grok, it comes from the novel Stranger in a StrangeLand.  It means to eat, but also to completely understand something or someone.
And sometimes making out with them while they're meditating at the bottom of your pool.
Let’s Grok them, understand them, care for them.  Because, heck, they did the same for us, once.  Well, minus the cannibalism.


Anonymous said...

I grok the boomers just fine. Which is why agree with your initial sentiment that they should be turned into soylent green. Kill them all, write off their debts, and create a positive legacy for the future.

Matthew Kagle said...

It's certainly a common sentiment. However, it's a little too easy to paint a whole generation with one brush. The more I read about them, the more I feel I should give them more of a chance.