Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Anti-Safeway Cake

I’m following up on the piece on Safeway Cake from a couple days ago, when I said I’d describe what to do if you want to make the opposite of a Safeway Cake.  Here’s what I did for my son’s birthday:
Asked my child what he wanted his cake to look like (most people skip this step).
My eldest son likes science and has had chemistry and solar system cakes in the past.  Having recently discovered the They Might Be Giants song: I Am a Paleontologist, he asked for a paleontology cake for his birthday this year. 

It was to be a cake with holes dug in the middle and candy dinosaur fossils at the bottom.

I tried to find candy dinosaur bones.
There weren’t any.  I moved on to candy chocolate dinosaur molds, but there was only one, it looked like a frog, and was too big.
"Hi-ho!  Kermit the fossil here."
I settled for dinosaur bones cupcake pans. I figured I’d just pour chocolate into them and pop out chocolate fossils.  Unfortunately, when the pans arrived, I found they were designed to make a hole in each cupcake the shape of a fossil, not a fossil-shaped bump.  I had to come up with a workaround.
"Hey, this should work f-"
"-uuuuuck."
I did a test run of the workaround. I poured melted paraffin into the cupcake pans, let them cool, then popped out the wax molds.  Then I poured melted Hershey’s Kisses into the wax molds and popped out the chocolate fossils.
My three-year-old was remarkably helpful, unwrapping the kisses without eating them.
It worked out pretty well, but I decided to coat everything with cooking spray first and go with the more recognizable dinosaurs.
And then we ate them.
I made the cake.
I re-melted the paraffin into two cupcake pans, popped them out,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in ages!  What's it been, three million years?"
and melted white chocolate chips into them. 
"No, it's been more like ten thou-  Look out!  Chocolate!  Glorblelorblelorble."
"Hey, I haven't seen you in ages!  What's it been?  Three minutes?"
I baked a square chocolate cake, cut it in half, made a hole in one layer, and assembled the two pieces with white frosting and crumbled graham crackers on to it.  Then I placed the chocolate fossils inside, and tied up little “roped off quadrants.”
Just like a real paleontologist would have done.
Oops, no place to put candles; I replaced the sticks and retied the twine.
Somehow, not as accurate.
I realized that we didn’t have enough cake for twenty kids.
I threw together a tent cake with a marzipan fire.
You can do anything with fondant.
Served the cake.
We had a visit from the ice cream man earlier, so nobody wanted much cake.  The candles didn’t light in the wind and the chocolate fossils looked like blobs of icing.
"Right, go ahead and line up.  I'll just sit here with this cake that nobody watch it."
Vowed to buy a cake from Safeway next year.

3 comments:

Morris West Montana said...

Awesome cake. FYI, my girlfriend claims that the Costco cakes are actually quite good (at least compared to other store bought cakes. Which really isn't saying much...).

Elly said...

Yep, awesome.

I need to ask for Ciaran's input for his half birthday party next month. I won't show him this picture though ;D

M. A. Kagle said...

Costco does taste better, but they're still pretty high on sugar and low on flavor comparatively. They also all look the same.