Thursday, May 19, 2011

May 21st, 2011

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re looking at the title and thinking “Woah, it’s not May 21st yet!  What’s going on!”  Or, I suppose you could be looking at the title and saying “Woah, it really is May 21st!  How did he know that?”  And then there’s going to be a few of you who say “No it isn’t!  That was earlier.”

To the first group, let me say: “I’m trying to write articles about current events, so I’m writing now about that Rapture Thing that’s supposed to happen on Saturday.”

To the second group, let me say: “Yes, it is!  You’re quick.  Don’t try to eat sharp objects, by the way.”

To the third group: “Why are you looking at this blog.  THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!”
Yes, that’s right, this is a post about that Rapture Thing that is supposed to be happening this weekend.  You must have seen the billboards and thought, like me, it was impressive that a radio show could afford a nationwide billboard campaign.  The basic idea, as I understand it, is that those who are truly faithful will disappear during the Rapture Thing (teleported into Heaven), and the rest of us will be subjected to war and famine and all manner of yucky stuff.

The Tribulations are marked by bad movies.
I’m not going to debate the absurdity of the Rapture Thing.  I’m not going to post about how many timespeople have been wrong about predicting Rapture Things in the past.  I just want to make a...  Suggestion.  First, a couple facts:
The Rapture as envisioned by Disney Imagineering.
Not a lot of people will disappear in The Rapture.
Only 144,000 people will enter Heaven, according to The Book of Revelations.  If those people are evenly distributed around the world, we’d hardly notice when they went.
Why is there always some blonde girl with pony tails getting Raptured?
People have disappeared before.
Back in December of 1872, a ship named the Marie Celeste was found abandoned.  Its crew and passengers had completely vanished, and nobody knows where they went or why.  In 1900, three lighthouse keepers disappeared leaving their harsh environment gear and were never found.  In 1913, Ambrose Bierce (a famous author) disappeared without a trace, although some suggest he snuck off and shot himself.

Bearing those two facts in mind, here’s my suggestion:

What if The Rapture already happened a hundred years ago and we missed it?  Alternatively, what if The Rapture is happening all the time and, when you become faithful/nice enough, you just suddenly disappear without a trace?

Happy Saturday!


Unknown said...

That would make sense (the alternative) I mean as God is suppose to be *active* so why wouldn't he do that.

Only people who don't have *issues* they need to take care of will vanish which means I am not *it* obviously but then again I am not sure I want to become part of God's *Borg* collective.

Only the *Attitude* people seem to get ahead on earth while nice guys finish lat.

Matthew Kagle said...

We'll never know, will we?