Friday, May 13, 2011

DBIM: Spellsinger

When I was in High School, I happened across the first Spellsinger Book in the library.  I can't remember why I was in the library, because research was rarely part of my coursework, but I ended up reading a lot of (bad) science fiction there.  Not that Spellsinger was bad, it just had a lot of wasted potential.
In the first Spellsinger book, we're introduced to Jon-Tom, a stoner college kid with the dumbest name in human history.  Jon-Tom is yanked out of our world by a wizard and brought to a magical land to use his magical power of…  Well, he plays music and it makes magic; it’s never really explained.  Anyway, they want him to help fight a child-eating horde of giant insects who have some new, secret weapon.  The magical world of Spellsinger is beautiful, strange, funny, and populated by all manner of talking animals.  The characters are fun and I was hoping to see the author explore the story more, but the library only had the first book.

Years later, I found the whole series at the used bookstore.  I took them home, flush with anticipation and... they sucked.  The main character goes on a quest and defeats the bad guys.  There’s really not much story at all.  In all of the rest of the books, he does the same thing.  Really, the plot of each book is a tiny thread covered in the first and last chapters; the rest of the chapters are simply random encounters of little relevance.

Anyway, in one book, the author introduces an evil pirate parrot, who eventually gets bitten in half by a white tiger woman named Roseroar.  In a later book, his brother (also an evil pirate parrot) ends up in our world, and is eaten alive by homeless people.


Titles: Spellsinger (The Day of the Dissonance and The Time of the Transference)
Severity: 6 (two deaths, eaten, fault of the birds, people relieved they died)
Genre: Book
Date: 1984 and 1987
Description: Two evil pirate parrots are eaten to death. The first is killed by a tiger and the second by a group of bums.
Mitigating Factors: None.
Aggravating Factors: None.

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