Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Screenplay Excerpt

[I was going to write this as part of a movie, but just realized it wouldn’t work.  There really isn’t much point to this scene; it’s just a long lecture that I made up.  I still like it, though.]

Allison: Young founder of a chip fabrication company.  She has recently decided she wants a family, but doesn’t have a lot of time to meet people, so she’s going on (disastrous) blind dates.

Brent: Allison’s personal assistant and takes care of her non-work scheduling, makes her dinner, buys groceries, does her hair and make-up etc.

Allison is sitting in a chair in front of the mirror in her bedroom while Brent fixes her make-up and hair for her date.  She’s nervous.

Brent: Now remember, men fall in love with two kinds of women: those who are pretty and those who are-

Allison: Smart.

Brent: No.

Allison: Funny.

Brent: No.

Allison: Successful?

Brent: God, no.

Allison: Ummmm.

Brent: Can I finish?

She nods.

Brent: Men fall in love with two kinds of women: those who are pretty and those who are good in bed.

Allison: You’re kidding.

Brent: Nope.

Allison: That’s terrible!

Brent: No it isn’t.

Allison: Men are pigs.

Brent: No we’re not.

Allison just stares at him through the mirror.  Brent sighs and stops messing with her hair for a moment.

Brent: You can’t be pretty unless you’re healthy: nice hair, clear eyes, good skin.  Healthy women have healthy babies.  You can’t be good in bed unless you’re fun.  You have to be adventurous, comfortable, and experienced.  Women who are good in bed are great best friends.

Allison: So, men want families or friends?

Brent goes back to fixing her hair.

Allison: Why didn’t you just say “mother or buddy?”

Brent: Because men don’t know that’s what they want; it’s a genetic imperative.  It’s like a big “kick me” sign tattooed on our backs.  You have to pretend you don’t see it.

Allison: I’d like to kick someone.

Doorbell rings.

Brent: Your kickee awaits!

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