Thursday, April 28, 2011

Peanuts Today

I was a fan of Peanuts comics as a child, but as I grew up, became slowly more and more disappointed.  The comic just went on too long.  What I really wanted was for Peanuts to end and give me closure.  Eventually, it did end when Charles Schultz started to die, and he gave us a final strip.  It wasn’t what I was hoping for.

Okay, yeah, it was sad and sweet, but I wanted to know what happened to the gang when they grew up.  I wanted to see them as adults and find out how their lives turned out.

Well, I contacted the estate of Charles Shultz they authorized me go ahead and write a better ending.

Schroeder was the musically inclined kid who was obsessed with Beethoven.  He spent almost every waking hour playing a toy piano.

Schroeder Today
A musical genius, Schroeder attended a conservatory, quickly decided he knew more than his professors, and dropped out to start his own band. In spite of his obvious talent, few crowds came to hear his “heavy thrash classical” music. He became addicted to caffeine and eventually died of an overdose in a Starbucks bathroom.

Peppermint Patty and Marcie

Peppermint Patty was a bossy girl who seemed to have a crush on Charlie Brown (whom she called “Chuck”).  Marcy was Patty’s best friend (whom she called “Sir”).  Patty and Marcie had an odd relationship that seemed a bit… lesbian.  You can guess how they turned out.

Peppermint Patty and Marcie Today
Peppermint Patty graduated from high school with a GED and married a man who owned a chain of restaurants on the east coast. They have three kids Patty quit her job to raise.

Marcie joined the Navy after college and eventually became a neurologist in Connecticut. She married a cardiac surgeon but didn’t have any kids.

Lucy was the bossy, mean girl who taunted Charlie Brown and gave misinformation to her smarter brother Linus.

Lucy Today
President of the United States.


Linus was the nerdy, smart kid who knew everything yet was completely credulous to anything his big sister said.  He always carried along a security blanket at all times.

Linus Today
After his six hundredth beating in high school, he went on a shooting rampage, killing six, before hanging himself by his blanket in the cafeteria.


Snoopy was Charlie Brown’s dog.  He had a strong imagination and a bird friend named Woodstock.

Snoopy Today
Oh, come on!  How long do you think dogs live?

Charlie Brown
Charlie Brown was the lovable loser who was inexplicably bald.  Much like Chaplin’s Little Tramp, you felt sorry for him and the terrible things that happened to him.  Only Charlie Brown would end up with a bag of rocks on Halloween.

Charlie Brown Today
This was a tough one to write.  What would happen to a kid who was obviously smart, but so hated that parents (parents!) actually got rocks to give him on Halloween?  What would become of a brilliant child after a lifetime of derision and oppression?

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