Monday, October 18, 2010

Shameless Pandering

I love both of my readers; I truly do.  However, the marketing department here at I Can Write Funny, has been pushing me to expand my readership beyond my wife and mother.  It took some persuading, but I eventually realized they were correct, and so I have set out to broaden my appeal. 

Of course, in this age where resumes are no more than a list of search terms and Google owns the universe, "broadening my appeal" doesn't mean making my blog more appealing to people.  It means making my blog more appealing to search engines.  There are a number of methods for increasing my GQ (Google Quotient): pinging search engines, leaving links in other blogs, renaming my blog "Famous Actresses Naked in a Bathtub of Jello," etc.  However, the most successful method is to write about things that web surfers are prone to look for.  Therefore, today's posting is designed to appeal to that group.

I have been concerned with Mesothelioma for many years.  For those of you who aren't familiar with Mesothelioma, Mesothelioma is (as described by the first two lines of its Wikipedia page) cancer caused by asbestos.  Mesothelioma is terrible, but not as bad if Mesothelioma sufferers are treated by being shown movies of Megan Fox.  I think we can all see the medical benefits of showing Megan Fox nude in a bathtub filled with Jello.  However, there are dangers, mainly if they end up seeing Megan Fox's creepy thumbs.  So, ideally, Mesothelioma sufferers should be shown movies of Megan Fox nude but still wearing gloves.

Of course, this has nothing to do with Vioxx.  It also has nothing to do with any kind of Structured Settlement.  The reason these two are unrelated to Mesothelioma or Megan Fox nude but still wearing gloves, is because I haven't bothered to look at the first two lines of their Wikipedia pages.  What a horrible scandal involving Bill Clinton and contract management software.  Okay, wait, that doesn't even make sense to me.  You know why?  Because I love Mad-Libs!  And Mad-Libs have nothing at all to do with liberals destroying our country, conservatives destroying our country, or even naked pictures of Sarah Palin riding a snowmobile.

Thanks to my regular readers.  We will now return to incessant rambling on the tragedy of birds being killed in movies.

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