Monday, October 4, 2010

My Modest Proposal

So, everyone knows the environment is going downhill (literally and figuratively). We’ve known it for years, but have done little to change things. The world grows hotter, species are going extinct at an increasing rate, and the air and water are growing toxic. Yet the population of the planet keeps growing; every decade we add another billion people who use more resources.

Americans are some of the worst offenders, not because of our rise in population (right now we’re reproducing just below the replacement rate) but because of our using. The average American uses ten times the resources of the average non-American. In short, America is acting like we have ten times the population we really have. That makes us a country of three billion people. Now China, with their paltry one billion people, seems the responsible country.

What do we do? We’ve been trying to get people to use less resources, but have completely failed. The real trick seems to be to get people to have fewer children. However, we’ve had little success at that so far. I mean, if abstinence-only education doesn’t work, what does? And Obama’s heroic “death panels” have been gutted to become “hope they die panels.”

However, I think I have a new solution. When you choose to become a parent, you have to go kill someone. Okay, so it sounds harsh, but hear me out. First of all, you wouldn’t be allowed to kill just anyone. You’d only be allowed to kill those who either have too many children or use more than their fair share of resources.

Oh, wait, that’s pretty much everyone in the US.  Okay, never mind. New plan: nuclear war!

No comments: