Monday, October 25, 2010

The Movie Doctor: Attack of the Clones

I realized after the Mr. 3000 post, that I enjoy reviewing movies. Actually, that's not true. I don't enjoy reviewing, I enjoy picking apart what didn't work. In Hollywood, they call that being a "script doctor."

I doubt I would make a good script doctor, because it's hard to see the problems with a film before it is made, but I'd love to pick apart someone else's work afterwards, hence my new, regular piece. So, lets get started with one of the biggies: the Star Wars Prequels. I'm going to start easy with the middle movie, because the first one is such a mess that I wouldn't know where to begin and the problems with the third one are pretty subtle, if damning. Attack of the Clones is a pretty obvious fix. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Symptoms (plot)
Separatists attempt to assassinate Queen Amidala. While they investigate, Anakin falls for the queen, who resists his advances. Eventually, they uncover the Sepratists' plan to invade with an army of robots. However, in an incomprehensible plot twist, they fight back with an army of clones. The movie ends when Anakin and Amidala secretly get married.

Diagnosis
There's really two problems.
1. When Obi Wan discovers the clones, Jango Fett tries to kill him. Why? The creation of the clone army is completely legal and are working for the good guys.

2. The love scenes are painful. At one point, Anakin tells Amidala "You're torturing me." No, you're torturing us.

Treatment
1. Give Jango Fett a reason to want to kill Obi Wan. Perhaps he's on the run from the cops or is doing something else illegal. When Obi Wan calls in the information, it brings up his arrest record (or whatever) and they tell him to arrest Jango.

2. The problem with all the love scenes is that Amidala has no reason to spurn Anakin's advances. He's a tall, handsome, brooding, space hero. Anakin, on the other hand, has every reason to want to avoid her. It's forbidden and he knows if he strays from the path of a true Jedi, something terrible will happen.

The solution is to have Amidala pursue Anakin. She requests him as her personal guard, forcing him to have dinner with her, watch her go to bed wearing revealing outfits, etc. When he finally succumbs to her, he does so knowing that he may have destroyed millions of lives.

Now THAT would be a movie I'd like to see.

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