Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The DTs

From my journal for today:
8:30 – I was going to have my last can of soda today, but I drank it last night instead. I am now without soda and am starting my attempt to go “cold turkey.”

9:00 – Glass of milk. Bleah. I guess I’ll have to get used to this.

10:00 – Large glass of lemonade. Have to keep hydrated! Hm. I better make some more. Luckily I have a lemon tree.

10: 30 – Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Ha ha. Hm. Out of lemonade again. Better get more lemons.

11:00 – Ran out of lemons. I wonder if I can use the leaves.

11:15 – Ran out of leaves. I wonder if I can use the bark.

11:30 – Well, at least I’ll have wood for fires when winter comes.

Noon – Lunch is worthless without a caffeinated soda. Otherwise, I tend to get sleepy. The only obvious solution is to not eat.

Little After Noon – You know the water tastes different in different areas of the house. I think I’ll label each faucet with the taste it has. “Cinnamon-y,” “Loagy,” and “Shimmery.”

More After Noon – This house is has too few faucets. I’m a gonna put in some more so I don’t need to walk so far to get a drink.

Later Than That – Shoot, I need more labels. How am I going to tell which faucet tastes “Brillo?”

Zero Hour – I’m pretty sure that water doesn’t talk. It does sing to me. Why does it sound like Justin Bieber?

After Hours –I went to pick up my children from school and found they weren’t there. I even went looking in all the offices and cubicles. Man, I got some really funny looks from Google security. Now where did I put them?

24 - I think my mind is cracking. I got to get a grip. It’s just withdrawal from aspartame. I can get past this. Where are my sugar free mints? WHO TOOK MY MINTS?!

1408 – The mints are hiding in the attic. I can hear them calling my name. I won’t answer because that’s how they know where I put my ice cream bar.

3:00 – Okay, things seem to be getting better. I tied myself to the bed to keep from hurting anything. Shoot, how do I get to the bathroom? I really gotta pee.

4:00 – Still gnawing through ropes.

5:00 – Whew. Much better now. That wasn’t so hard! I’m through it and back to my normal self. I’m glad I’m not crazy any more.
Now, I’ll just sit down and turn on Fox News.

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