As part of my trophy husband career, I took my children to playdates. One of the easiest ways to get quick access to playdates in the San Francisco Bay Area is to join Las Madres, a group of, well, mothers who get together for playdates and social events. Our group was filled with women who, oddly enough, didn't want to be in charge.
So, as the alpha male, I stepped up. I became a director and my first email to the group was designed to lay down the law, show I was in charge, and keep the babes in line.
As my first act as Director-for-Life of our Las Madres chapter, I would like to thank you all. We’ve worked hard together to make this chapter what it is today: the jewel in the Las Madres crown. However, there is still much work to do. Below is my agenda for the coming year.
1. A name change.Shortly afterwards, the group shut down. I'm certain it had nothing to do with me.
The director is the heart of any Las Madres organization and, therefore, with a new director, the organization should change its name to reflect that change. Some have suggested we change our name to Los Padres, but that name has already been taken. I also took French instead of Spanish, so our new name will be “Les Peres,” which translates to “The Pears.”
2. New website.
To appeal to our new, more masculine, demographic, we will no longer have hearts, and pink backgrounds on our group website. From now on, it will have a more sporty, camouflage pattern. Houses of those who host playdates will have to be similarly reconditioned.
3. Chest hair.
Many of you will have to grow chest hair, drink beer from the bottle, watch football, spit, and scratch yourselves in public. If we can’t attract the demographic (see above) we will become the demographic.
4. Annexation of Las Madres 03 and 05
Many babies in the 2003 chapter were born early and had originally been intended to be in our chapter. Similarly, others were born late and were pushed into the 2005 chapter. Therefore, both the 03 and 05 chapters were once part of our chapter and should be reincorporated. We also need them as a buffer zone to protect us from the hostilities provoked by the 2002 and 2006 chapters.
Once again, thank you all for your support. May our next year be productive! Long live Las Madres!