Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Other Shoe?!

I got another one. Seriously. I got this one from a group calling itself the “Union of Concerned Pharmacists.” Can you believe there’s a Union of Concerned Pharmacists? What are they concerned about? Aspirin?

Dear Mr. Kaygil: [sic]

 I represent the Union of Concerned Pharmacists ("Pharmacists"). My client has informed me that you have a web site,, that sets forth false, derogatory and defamatory statements concerning Pharmacists and the practice of Pharmacy in general. Demand is hereby made that you immediately cease making any false and defamatory statements regarding Pharmacists, Pharmacy, Drugstores, and Chia Pets on the web site referenced above, on any other web site or any other medium. In the event that you fail to do so, my client will have no other alternative but to file an action against you for injunctive relief and/or damages. I urge you to give this matter your serious attention as these defamatory statements relate to Pharmacists' business and are defamatory per se.

The false claims you make are as follows:

Pharmacists don’t adequately state the practice of adding flavorings to medicine. Proper signage for all pharmacy practices are carefully posted on counters in full view of customers as per state law. Those signs are then covered with boxes of “impulse buy” items such as pill cases, collapsible reading glasses, wrinkle cream, etc. The failure of customers to read those signs is not the fault of the pharmacist, but the customers who don’t take the time and effort to rearrange items on the counters to find and read those signs.

Pharmacists are vampires. While pharmacists work with and frequently enjoy using blood and blood-like substances in their jobs, our Best Practices whitepaper (last published in June of 2008) strongly cautions against ingestion. In addition, pharmacists are forbidden by law from drinking the blood of customers.

Pharmacists torture animals. Your remarks are patently offensive. Many pharmacists are pet lovers and owners. In fact, only 30% of pets owned by pharmacists are brought to veterinarians to be treated for cult-related injuries.

[Blah blah blah. It goes on for THREE PAGES.]

So Peter (my lawyer) is going to get a lot of work from me this year. Although, I’m beginning to think he’s writing all these letters himself to drum up business. Come to think of it, that’s not a bad business model.

Hmmm.  Where was I?

If I had known joining Technorati was going to get me this kind of attention, I might not have joined in the first place. Ah well, I doubt they can really do me any harm. I’ll write a letter back and let you all know if anything comes of it.

It’s not like they can do anything to hurt me, right? It’s not like they can drug me or anything.

Oh, right.


David said...

I did not realize the pharmacy establishment were such a bunch of punk-ass little bitches.

M. A. Kagle said...

Oooh! Somebody's gonna get a le-ter!