Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year’s Resolutions 2010

I’ve never been one for a yearly set of resolutions. It’s not because I don’t have aspirations, it’s just that I create and fail resolutions on a daily, even hourly basis. I resolve to get up early in the morning as I realize I’ve sat in bed until sunset. I resolve to eat healthy while trying to figure out how many FunSize Snickers bars I can fit in my mouth at one time (28). However, since I have a blog and nothing to post, I’ll try to figure out a plan for the new year.

This year I plan to:
• Be a force of good
• Tear down those who harm the innocent
• Protect the weak
• Wreak havoc on criminals (a superstitious, cowardly lot)

I stopped there because I realized that I was writing Batman’s list. Not that I don’t like the resolutions, but I’d have to add “Watch my parents get killed in an alley behind a theater as a young boy” to the top. I started again, this time trying to keep more to what I really want.

This year I really want:
• Wealth
• Fame
• Sex
• Power

Okay, good, but too vague. I tried to think more specifically of what I want to do.

This year I want to do:
• Elizabeth Hurley
• Nicole Kidman
• Heather Locklear
• Uma Thurman

The real list was much, much longer. However, I realized while writing it that (1) none of them fit my definition of “doable” any more and (2) I haven’t seen a movie for far too long. In any case, I was setting myself impossible goals. I decided to give myself a list of things I could accomplish.

This year I will accomplish:
• Converting oxygen into carbon dioxide
• Converting food into excrement
• Exchanging money for goods and services

Now that was a list that fit me. Still, it was too easy. The whole point of a resolution is to shoot for something difficult. I decided to add one last item:
• Create a list of new year’s resolutions for 2011

Hope I’m not pushing myself too hard.

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