Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I've been, er, busy and stuff.
To make up for the heinous crime of having a life, I am giving away my worldly goods. Here's my latest act of penance:
Pre-opened Clear Care Disinfecting Solution with SECRET TREASURE
I know how difficult your life is. You have soft lenses and you have to take them out and clean them every single day. The manufacturers of your contacts are slowly undermining your sanity by taking you away from your busy schedule for whole minutes at a time and to top it off, you have to go buy and open a new bottle of lens cleaner every month.
Well, I have a solution for you (pun intended). I have a box of Clean Care Disinfecting Solution that is ALREADY OPEN. No more will you have to rip your hands to shreds pulling open the top of the box because I’ve done it for you. No, there’s no need to thank me. It’s just something I do as my small contribution to the national defense. Feel free to suggest me for a medal or something, though. I’ve always wanted a medal or a knighthood. Sir Matthew sounds good, don’t you think?
Where was I?
The bottle itself is unopened and still has that super dooper plastic seal on it that keeps out terrorists or monsters or whatever, so you know it’s safe. For a small fee, I’ll open that for you, too.
Also, I’ve decided to offer an added incentive. Inside the box is a treasure. It is a treasure of such great value and magnificence that you will cry out with joy when you see it. This isn’t just one of those plastic lens holders with the thing at the bottom that fizzes to make bubbles it’s-
Oh, wait, it is just one of those things. But, hey, it’s pretty cool. They used to keep me up all night going bubble bubble bubble until I had to close the door to the bathroom so I could get some sleep. It’s also unused and came in the box. I’ll open that for you, too if you have any extra cash that’s weighing you down.