Wednesday, November 18, 2009

People v. Ketchum

Arrest Summary: Mr. Ketchum (full name: Ashley Reinhold Ketchum), a resident of Pallet Town, was arrested in the Viridian Forest on the charge of vagrancy. When the arresting officer informed him that camping was not allowed in the forest, he became violent and threatened the officer with several trained attack animals.

The subject was tazed and taken into custody. His collection of wild animals is currently being cared for at a PETA facility in Johto.

Prosecutorial Summary:

Count 1 – Trapping Wild Animals Without a Permit
Mr. Ketchum was found with dozens of caged animals, most caught from the wild. Among his collection were many endangered creatures (including a Mew, which may be the only member of the species left).

Count 2 – Keeping Animals in Substandard Facilities
Mr. Ketchum’s animals were kept in tight containers with no access to food, water, light or even air. These containers (called “Pokeballs” by Mr. Ketchum) didn’t provide enough space for animals to move or even turn around.

Count 3 – Animal Cruelty
Mr. Ketchum is the member of several “Pokeleagues” which function similarly to dog or cock fighting clubs for wild-caught animals. The animals are released by their owners to fight each other and are not allowed to retreat until they are knocked unconscious or killed.

Count 4 – Animal Endangerment
Veterinary records show that one of Mr. Ketchum’s animals, a Pikachu, has been hospitalized no fewer then six times as a result of his involvement with the aforementioned Pokeleague.

Count 5 – Animal Neglect
Many of Mr. Ketchum’s animals have failed to thrive. For example, the aforementioned Pikachu should have evolved to a Raichu, by his age. Mr. Ketchum seemed to have a profound lack of emotional connection to his animals, even referring to them by their species instead of granting them names.

Count 6 - Gambling
During his arrest, Mr. Ketchum mentioned that he gambled, in spite of being underage, in order to obtain his Porygon.

Note: During interrogation, Mr. Ketchum stated that he intended to illegally trap and subject more animals to the same treatment. In his words “I’ve got to catch them all.”

Defense Summary: Ashley Ketchum left a broken home at a young age. While his decisions have been poor, he is still a minor and can be returned to his home in Pallet Town where his mother is willing take responsibility for him.

3 comments:

Mollie said...

Looooolololol. :) This totally made my day.

M. A. Kagle said...

Thanks. I wasn't sure it was funny since I couldn't figure any jokes to put in it (other than the concept).

Mollie said...

The concept was definitely enough. :)