- Once petitioned the Queen of England for knighthood and actually made it a few steps through the process before they realized he hadn’t done anything worthy.
- Confessed to an ex-girlfriend that he had slept with her sister only to find out it was her brother.
- Suffers from a rare disorder called “Harken’s Episodes.”
- Was divorced by his wife so she could pursue a career masturbating large birds.
- Had a spiritual revelation when he was twenty-two but lost his memory of the entire event as a result of his condition (see 3).
- Is absolutely terrified of the color mauve, probably because he doesn’t know what it is.
- Worked as an assistant puppeteer on Muppet Treasure Island for a month and a half before he was fired for “upstaging Kermit.”
- Took up playing the crystal flute in the late eighties because someone told him it would make him a better kisser. He quit when the flute cracked while he was playing it and made him a worse kisser.
- Signed up for classes at the Culinary Institute of America and then dropped them because he realized it wasn’t the “real” C.I.A.
- Is still amused that he gets to park in the blue spaces because he has a rare disorder (see 3).
- Can dress a stag in thirty-eight minutes. It only takes him thirty-four minutes if he’s dressing the stag in a skirt.
- Was described by a colleague in the game industry as “a little too lowbrow to be in the business.”
- Is working on his PhD in “Interactive Rhetorical Theory in the Eighteenth Century” because he knows teaching is a fast track to wealth.
- Makes his own hair gel out of all the free soaps he gets in hotels mixed with ketchup.
- Once kissed Sarah Michelle Gellar.
- Once was punched in the eye by Sarah Michelle Gellar.
- Doesn’t believe in evidence-based physics.
- Once used so many Q-Tips in his left ear they started coming out of the right.
- Voted Republican in six elections but successfully petitioned to have his votes nullified because of his condition (see 3).
- Backpacked through Europe for two days and then stopped because he felt he had “seen enough.”
- Has never smoked a cigarette, had more than a few sips of alcohol, or taken any illegal drugs and doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on anything.
- Only believes in things that haven’t been proven.
- Had his license revoked for driving “too responsibly.”
- Could have been a contender.
- Is lying about one of the things on this list.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
25 Things You May Not Know About Me
On Facebook, there is this viral meme going around. When you are tagged, you have to list 25 unusual and interesting things about yourself. Nobody tagged me. Nobody at all. Not being the kind to hold a grudge, I decided to do one anyway.