I support homosexual marriage and consider banning it akin to banning mixed race marriages. However, a few minutes later, I drove by a billboard with a Microsoft ad on it; in that ad a boxer is receiving a blow to the face so powerful his mouth guard is knocked out. My older son saw the billboard and immediately started asking difficult questions. “Why are his teeth flying out?” “Why is the man hitting him?” “What do you mean it’s a barbaric sport that makes you wonder if we’re more evolved than monkeys?” And so on.
Suddenly, I found myself agreeing with the caller I was angry at a few moments earlier. She was right! That billboard affected my right to raise my children in a nonviolent envrionment and gay marriage affected her right to raise them in a heterosexual-only environment. Then I realized there were a lot of things I didn’t want my children to have to be exposed to, so I made a list of them all:
- Any Microsoft billboard
- Any film by Jerry Bruckheimer, Michael Bay, Kevin Smith, or Tim Burton
I don’t want my children exposed to terrible movies, immature movies, or movies whose budget is 99% special effects and .001% story.
Not just offensive lyrics, but any music at all. Sure, that seems a bit harsh, but listening to my son sing the same line of a song over and over again for an hour while completely off-key makes it hard for me to parent nonviolently.
- Trigonometry, Statistics, Honors French, and The History of Photography
If I failed at a class, I don’t want my children succeeding at it and then making fun of me.
- Season 5 of Babylon 5
It seems cruel have my children watch one of the greatest science fiction television shows of all time and then have to endure the horrible let down of its last season. They shouldn’t be exposed to Star Trek: Voyager, Lost Season 2, or any Saturday Night Live made after the 80s either.
As I have stated before, I hate Christmas (that’s a topic for another day) and don’t want my children to keep asking about Christmas trees. We have a menorah, damn it!
- The person who said to my son “God talks to little children." Whoever you are, you creep me the hell out.
- Republicans and Moderates
I don’t want my children exposed to contrary political opinions and then make me defend my thinking. Children shouldn’t make me have to think.
- Anyone else’s religious beliefs
I’m a secular Jew with an affinity for the pagan god Prometheus. Unless you are the same, you shouldn’t talk about your religion in public. For that matter, don’t talk about it in private.
- People who expose my failings as a parent